1. Poppy has a deep, profound loyalty to my favorite city in the world (New Orleans, of course) and will stand up for it without a moment’s hesitation.

2. Poppy is strong-willed, opinionated, has excellent taste in food, and by her LiveJournal entries, seems like she’d be an absolute blast to hang out with.

3. Poppy is an amazing writer. I fell in love with her work the first time I read Lost Souls and that romance has continued throughout her amazing Liquor series. She’s got talent…and she takes chances. Can’t help but admire that.

4. Poppy has great hair. I know…I’m normally not such a superficial brat, but let’s face it, Poppy has the cutest hair on the planet.

5. Poppy is gracious and sweet, and she was kind enough to send me a postcard congratulating me on my book sale, even though she won’t be blurbing Eighth Grade Bites. I totally understand that vampires are in her past, so no hurt feelings at all. Quite the contrary, I GOT A POSTCARD FROM POPPY Z. BRITE!!! Okay, deep breaths, deep breaths…And she was nice enough to send the postcard. She could’ve totally ignored me–because I’m a HUGE dope and forgot to include an SASE when I wrote and asked her for a blurb. So thank you, thank you, thank you, Poppy. I bow humbly to your greatness.

Without further ado, my new favorite thing (address removed to protect the, er, me–I left Poppy’s address, as it’s available online):

I’m the proud new owner of a drool-worthy blurb for EIGHTH GRADE BITES! Christopher Moore (author of Bloodsucking Fiends and several other incredible books) was sweet enough to read Vlad’s tale while on tour for A Dirty Job and had this to say:

“Eighth Grade Bites is a terrific vampire tale told with a sharp, middle-school grin. It definitely does not bite!”

He rules. And I bow before his greatness.

Last night I finished reading Cell by Stephen King. It was wonderful after a few initial speedbumps. It looks like Mr. King is definitely asserting himself once again as the master of horror. It reads much like your typical zombie movie until about half-way in. And I cried! Such great characters, with such…realness. Jordan reminded me very much of my own son. That book gets my seal of approval, for sure.

Let’s see, what else do I need to tell you minions? Oh! My fabulous agent emailed last night to tell me that my contracts are on the way! Wooohooo! I’m totally geeked. No more panicky worry bombs that make me wonder whether Dutton will come to their senses. No more wondering when I’ll see my deal on paper. It’s real.

It still doesn’t feel like it…but it’s real.

Today I’ll be diving back into Wonderland and after that, I’ll be reading Sexy by Joyce Carol Oates. That is, if I can manage to pull my face away from the window and forget about the passing Fed Ex truck…

So this book, The View from the Wonderland Asylum, is scary. I don’t mean cutesy, awww-look-at-the-children’s-author-writing-about-ghosts scary. I mean…holy crap, can-this-be-this-scary-and-still-remain-a-YA-book? scary. The answer is yes. I fully intend to scare the crap out of kids. And I’m doing it by using that old adage, write what you know.

I know what scares me. The unseen. Abandoned crazy houses. The creepy giggle of a little girl. Old wheelchairs. As I once told my mother (I believe I was seven), “I’m not afraid of the dark…it’s what’s in the dark that scares me.” So with this book, I’m putting a lot of things in the dark. It’s scary. But it’s good.

Even as a child, I was equally freaked out by/drawn to the story of Alice. So it was only a matter of time before I became engulfed in the idea that I’m currently working on. The book is about a boy named Dillon who stumbles into Wonderland via an ages-old mirror. But Wonderland isn’t exactly the Disney-inspired version anymore. It’s dark. It’s burnt. It’s gruesome. Some of the book is a reinvention of what Lewis Carroll had created. But most of it is all Heather. His tale will fit so well with mine–and mine just puts a different take on his.

I really don’t want to go into much detail until I finish it…but I’m thoroughly enjoying writing Dillon’s tale. And I’m driven on by the notion that through developing a book of my own fears (well, I left out the clowns), I may create a book that will truly terrify kids. And that’s a good thing–I loved being scared by books as a child. Because in the end, you can close the book and go back to your safe, cozy life.

One without the Jabberwocky.

I’ve received a few emails asking how to go about acquiring blurbs. Now, I’m certainly no blurb goddess. (I have three {three fabulous blurbs from three amazing authors}, with a handful of other incredible people reading Eighth Grade Bites.) But the common theme in those emails is that people seem lost as to how to acquire blurbs. The answer, minions, is more simple than you might think: You ask.

You choose authors that you WORSHIP, you tell them why you ADORE them, tell them a bit about your book and you ask if they would mind giving it a read…and, if they like it enough, could they say a few kind words about it? That’s it. No industry inside information. No tricks. No strings. No smoke. No mirrors. Just polite, honest words, and a question.

And please, try to be incredibly understanding if they say no. Writers are extremely busy people with deadlines that they work hard not to miss. And I can only imagine how many people ask for blurbs–it’s impossible to say yes to everyone.

It’s manners, people: say please, say thank you, don’t whine, be respectful, and keep a positive attitude.

The title of this post is a quote from Mae West. But it illustrates my point. I love writing the good guys, but I LOVE writing the bad guys. As Brion James once said, “The bad guys are the best parts.”

What makes a good bad guy? Well, that question is about as subjective as they come. For me, a really excellent baddie has to be confident, determined, and just plain evil. He or she has to have a sharp wit and a sharper tongue. It doesn’t hurt if you don’t see him or her coming, either. I like a good scare. I also like being misled in a story.

I was once given the advice that you must know why your villain is the way he or she is. Did he or she have a bad childhood, etc, etc.? It was horrible advice. Some people are just evil the moment air enters their lungs. Not everything needs to be analyzed–least of all, a really excellent baddie. I mean, come on, if we’d found out that Hannibal Lechter only developed a taste for flesh because his mommy fed him too many beets as a child, wouldn’t it take away from the scary reality (or would that be fictionality?) of Hannibal? Keep the psychobabble and therapy, I want my villains evil to the core with reasons of their own. I’ll delve into his or her motives, for sure. But the only thing I need to know about him or her is what I’m being told at the moment.

But that’s me.

Kim over at YA Books Central needs your help, minions. So give and give big.

From the YA Books Central blog:

Sorry for the late entry, minions. It was a long, involved, exhausting day. But there’s good news afoot!

First off, Wonderland is moving along swimmingly. Dillon and I have found a kinship and I’m beginning to really enjoy his company. Plus, it was INCREDIBLE to be writing again. Breaks, though they are much-needed, are frustrating and difficult.

My fabulous agent gave me a call (he’s so amazingly good to me) and let me know that my contracts should be ready in a few days and (even better) there are like six foreign publishers interested in Eighth Grade Bites! No offers yet and no details for you minions, but life is good and Vlad is quite happy. I’m always in a great mood after I talk to my agent. He watches out for me and for my career, and in this big, bad world where so few people watch out for anybody…it’s a nice feeling.

Today’s entry is rather scatterbrained–my apologies. I need to get back to Wonderland.

Creepy title, right? I thought so. It’s based on this surgical procedure they used in the Middle Ages in order to cure mental illness. A while back, I read a fantastic article about mental illness in the Middle Ages and the stone thing has stuck with me ever since. There’s a story there somewhere, but it needs to brew for a while.

Anyhoo, back to me and the rocks in my head.

Tomorrow, my dear, sweet, loyal minions, is going to be an excellent day. After two weeks of not writing, I’m going to dive into Wonderland head first and see where the white rabbit leads me. I’m really excited about it–not just because I can write again, but because I reached a personal goal…and that’s always a good feeling. Goals are important.

So is Diet Pepsi. It’s time to stock up. Why, you ask? Because, my minions, the formula for writing is this: Diet Pepsi + Happy Bunny jammie pants = brilliance.

You know it’s bad when a period of not writing gives you nightmares. Last night, for the eighth night in a row, I had this horrible nightmare where I was running through these filthy corridors, past branches that had grown in through the walls. The corridors became more narrow as I ran and more littered with debris, but I couldn’t stop–something awful was behind me and it was getting closer. The dream is exactly the same, night after night. I think my imagination is getting bored, waiting for me to do something with it.

Yesterday, my friend Toni posted something really funny that we were talking about on Backspace (scroll down a bit to her March 21st entry). We have entirely too much fun on there. It’s a wonder so many of us are getting published with all that procrastination going on. But it’s one talented group, minions. And I’m honored to be counted among them.

I can feel Vlad twitching around back there, gearing up for the 25th. I still haven’t told him I’ll be spending time with Dillon in Wonderland. (Shh!) It’ll be good to write again, but to be honest, I’m nervous. The last time Dillon and I sat down to talk, I didn’t like him…and as it is, I may be bringing an axe to our meeting if I don’t fall head over heels for him right away. Chop chop chop, no more Dillon. (Double shh!) But it’s important that I move forward, out of my cushy Vlad comfort zone. After all, there are five books in Vlad’s series…that’s hardly forever. I need to stretch myself beyond him.

And I need to stock up on Diet Pepsi. Because once the 25th comes, my brain, my fingers, and my focus are all headed for Wonderland.