You must. I’m buying you pressies. And, as we all know, when someone buys us a gift, we are obligated to do their bidding until the end of time. Or…at least for a week or two.

Last night, I approved the final proof of my custom-designed minion buttons and ordered them. (If you need buttons, holy crap, go see Sean–amazing prices, great to work with, can’t say enough good things) But as I’m gifting you with pressies, you must do my bidding (as if there was ever any question of that…you are minions, after all).

I will send a free button that identifies you as my minion (yes, this applies to anyone who is reading this right now, no matter how fresh you are to the blog). In fact, I’ll send you each two–provided you give someone the extra button and direct them to all things Heather Brewer (let me know if you need more than two…we’ll talk). In short, my minion horde, it’s time for you to go forth and spread the minion love with your minion bling. Cool? Cool. Also, I require a picture of you wearing your button and if you’re under 18, permission from your parent to use it on my revamped website (coming soon!). (If you’re over 18, I’m doing it anyway, so neener neener boo boo.) And hey, let’s keep ‘em clean, folks.

What’s the catch? Not one damn thing. The buttons are gorgeous, free, and purely selfish on my part, as I love giving pressies and I adore my growing minion horde. *kish kish*

(Oh, also, wearing this button declares your eternal love for me and ensures me that when the time comes, you’ll buy my books and sing their praises from every nearby rooftop you can reach.)

All has fallen silent for a bit–sorry about that, minions. Auntie Heather has been busy spending some dough on a few needful things (ie, bills, writing-promotional stuff, and a wee bit of fun fun stuff stuff, because hey…a gal’s gotta live) and her eyes kind of glaze over a little bit when there’s so much stuff to do that her brain is on the verge of implosion. Makes it hard to type.

(Believe me, an imploding brain is not as much fun as it sounds. Don’t try this at home–I’m a trained professional.)

But now that that’s out of the way (well, the major stuff anyhow), we can all settle back into the cozy comfort of simply being.

Here’s a bit of writing-related news: I’m working with a brilliant designer named Sean over at Busy Beaver Buttons and getting plenty of minion buttons designed and created! It would be really cool to have a page on my website displaying all the photos (with permission, of course) of my fans/loyal minions donning their buttons. I’ll have to talk to my web designer and see what we can do. Of course, for all you under-18 minions, I’d need parental permission. (Auntie Heather doesn’t want a lawsuit) But…yeah…it’s a thought.

I have those sometimes.

Apparently, some scam agent named Barbara Bauer got her knickers in a twist and managed to get the Absolute Write forums shut down. I’ll defer to the wisdom of Miss Snark, Jackie Kessler, and EJ Knapp for this one. They’ve said it better than I ever could have.

It occurred to me last night that my blog is really just a nonsensical diary. I don’t really discuss the industry or the process (much). I mostly talk about me and the dorky things I do. Is that bad? Heck no! There are a million blogs out there discussing these things. My purpose is merely to entertain. And to consume great quantities of Diet Pepsi.

I assume that you are reading this because you are either
a) my loyal minion,
b) unable to click away due to computer error
c) morbidly curious
d) planning my demise and want to know a bit about me first
or e) a lucky soul that just happened to find my page.

Something you should know is that all of the above categories classify you as one of my minions (okay, for all the ‘d’ minions, you’re less loyal than the rest, but still…there you have it). And soon (very soon) you’ll all have a little something to show for it. No, no, this has nothing to do with the SSS (Super Secret Surprise). This is something entirely different.

I’m going to make buttons that read, simply “MINION” (with my web address at the bottom, of course). I’ll ship them out to whomever asks for one–all I ask in return is that you send me a picture of you wearing it, so that I can properly display my minion horde. However, this is something that’s not happening YET. So remain calm and spread the word.

And do my bidding. (Sorry, can’t be helped)

Vlad and Dillon (the main characters of Eighth Grade Bites and Beyond the Looking Glass for those of you just now joining us…and where have you been, anyway? That’s it, see me after class. Now, where were we? Ah yes, Vlad and Dillon…) are two very different people. But sometimes I think they’d have a lot of fun hanging out together. Not for long, though. Eventually, Vlad would get sick of Dillon’s mouth and bite him. Okay…on second thought, maybe they need to stay in their respective corners.

Yesterday I had one of those moments, those hard-to-breathe moments while I was reading something my Crit Partner sent me. She’s so amazing. I wish I could write like her. *sigh* But it made me wonder…if all writers feel that way about another writer, who does Stephen King envy? What about JK Rowling? Who do they wish they could write like? Or do they sit around thinking about how much they love writing like themselves? Hmmm. It does make one wonder. Or, maybe it doesn’t. I’m really just rambling here.

Today I’ll be bouncing back and forth between editing Ninth Grade Sucks and polishing the first few chapters of Beyond the Looking Glass (my agent says we may try to sell it based on the partial and outline–yay!). After that, I’m going to finish off reading Christopher Moore’s A Dirty Job and then maybe work on some web content. Basically, today will be filled with so much hair-pulling, that I ought to be completely bald by mid-afternoon. (No offense, Ewoh)

Loyal minions, in my hand I’m currently holding the largest check that I have ever had the great fortune of holding. Plus, it’s made out to ME! In short, Auntie Heather just got her first ever check for something she’s written. More specifically, Vlad just got a chunk of change simply for existing.

Now, many of you will shrug and say “cool, whatever”, but you don’t realize what an enormous deal this is in my family. My family is very blue collar, do-something-sensible-and-keep-your-head-out-of-the-clouds. And while my family is comprised of some very creative souls, the arts aren’t what bring the big bucks in. My earning a living through writing…well, it’s huge. It shows them that it’s okay to keep your head in the clouds, that dreams really do come true (and can be fruitful).

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go buy something coffin-shaped…

Now that I’ve sent off the final Wonderland outline to my fabulous agent for his thoughts, I’m taking a Dillon break and spending some time with Vlad, brushing up the completed first draft of Ninth Grade Sucks. When I initially read it over, I cried. It was awful. But now that I’m keyboard-deep into it, it’s really not so bad. I really don’t think it’ll be long before I’m mailing off the second draft to me amazing Crit Partner and fantastic readers. Of course, I’m having an optimistic day…things may change.

Last night I had a very bizarre dream. I dreamt that Vlad showed up at my door in the middle of the night. He said he didn’t want to drag me into this, but he had nowhere else to turn. Then the big baddie from Eighth Grade Bites shows up and threatens to hurt my family if I don’t hand Vlad over. Well, I explain to him that I CREATED him, so he can’t boss me around. It didn’t work though…and man, was it scary.

I think I’m spending too much time with my characters.

Maybe next time I’m out, I should pick up a life.

Phew! It seems like it took ages (and blood *Vlad’s ears perk up*, sweat & tears), but I just finished writing the outline for the second Wonderland book (as of yet, untitled). It turned out differently than I’d planned for it to, but then, books have a way of doing that at times.

I think I’ll make myself take tomorrow off before diving into any real writing. The question is…do I continue work on BEYOND THE LOOKING GLASS, or do I return to Vlad’s freshman year? Decisions, decisions…

Short post today, minions. I’ve given myself until Monday to finish cranking out this outline (even if it’s horribly ugly, so long as it’s done), so I won’t have much extra time for, well, anything today. (Sorry, lungs…no air for you)

I wanted to stop by and thank you for being here. I need each and every one of you. (By the way, new minion that I met at the Borders on Olive Rd. last night with his mom? I need you too. And you totally made my day. Thanks!) If it weren’t for you minions, you loyal soon-to-be-readers, I’d just be this pathetic, lonely hack. I owe you one. (That ‘one’ is coming soon enough–it’s part of the SSS)

And now, a wee bit of breathing room before I throw myself off the cliff of outline-writing. *sigh*