Have you read any of the Pendragon books, minions? If not, what’s stopping you? They’re smart, funny, heart-stopping, and completely addictive. Not just for kids–so get out there and read!

Clearly, Mr. MacHale is one of my all-time favorite people (Hey, I LOVED “Are You Afraid of the Dark?”). But he just stepped up the deity ladder.

DJ MacHale read Eighth Grade Bites. He thought it was fun and terrific…and he gave me a blurb! WOOT! Check out this juicy little morsel:

“A spooky mystery that’s funny, gruesome, heartwarming, spellbinding, sad, joyous, surprising and topped off with a tasty blend of blood and chocolate. Yum. What more could you ask for?”
~D.J. MacHale, New York Times-bestselling author of PENDRAGON: JOURNAL OF AN ADVENTURE THROUGH TIME AND SPACE

Now, if I can manage to calm Vlad down (who’s currently jumping up and down in the back of my skull), it’s time to celebrate.

Thank you, Mr. MacHale. You rock!

I had a desk once. Still do, in fact…I’m almost certain. Every few weeks, my beautiful cherry desk will emerge from its paper-strewn lair. And wow, what a sight! But, much like the groundhog, it doesn’t stay out long.

In short, I really need to clean off my desk.

In other, extensively happier news, my wonderful editor loved my back story, my series title, and my other thing that I’m not telling you about. (We’ll refer to it as SUPER SECRET SURPRISE from here on out, or perhaps SSS if I’m feeling lazy and/or snake-like) Plus, I’m making ground on the outline for the second Wonderland book (which I may be calling Reflections of Wonderland…don’t know yet). So all in all, a good week for Auntie Heather.

I wish I had an exact date for the release of Eighth Grade Bites. I’d like to obsessively begin a countdown. After all, if you don’t do something obsessively, then really, what’s the point? For now, the time frame I have is “late summer of ‘07″, but that may change. Over a year…wow, that’s a long time.

What am I doing?! I have work to do. And so do you, my minions. Stop slacking off! Get to work…you know, doing my bidding and stuff.

How many writing blogs are there out there? Five million or so? And most of them cover the dos and don’ts of publishing…but they leave out all the really practical stuff. Well, never fear, my faithful minions. Auntie Heather has come to your aid once again. Here are the top five dos and don’ts that all those other writing-related blogs don’t tell you about.

5) Don’t wear white.
Word to the wise, minions…white stains like crazy. And with all the soothing chocolate you’ll be devouring, you want something that will hide stains. Opt for black instead. Besides, as depressed as this process will make you, you’ll come to have a great appreciation for the color of mourning.

4) Buy stock in Office Depot.
Or Staples or Office Max–if it’s an office supply store, you’re going to give them a lot of business, so why not benefit from it? As a side note, it never hurts to get to know the employees’ names. After all, to a full time writer, these people are like coworkers…however, please refrain from copying your butt on their copiers. They hate that.

3) Opt for comfort.
I vote for yoga pants or jammie pants (Happy Bunny not necessary if you’re not a fashion mogul such as I). The point is that when you’re sobbing into your keyboard or glaring at your monitor, screaming, “I HATE THIS! AND I’LL NEVER BE A WRITER!! NEVER!!!”, you want to be all sorts of cozy. (Trust me. This will happen.)

2) Headphones are your friend.
Your only friend, considering how much time you’ll spend at your desk–but that’s beside the point. The only way to block out noise is with more noise. So slap those babies on and block out the rest of the world.

and finally, 1) Surround yourself with inspiration.
I have many things on my desk that inspire me to write. But my favorite has to be my Vampire in a Box kit. Just in case this whole writer thing doesn’t work out…I’ll always have eternal night to look forward to.

Now, change into jammie pants, grab some chocolate, check your stock portfolio, slip on your headphones, and remember, if it doesn’t work out…I’ve got extra room in my coffin.

Today I’m working on my back story–a handy little account that I’m told will add a personal touch to my press release. It’s surprisingly easy to write, though I confess, for the first hour, I just stared at the screen and wished I had a more upbeat history. My life hasn’t been all sunshine and roses. But it’s been interesting, that’s for sure.

Other than that, I’m continuing work on the outline for the second Wonderland book. I’m struggling with it and I don’t know why…but I suspect my muse is sick to death of planning and wants to move on to writing ASAP. I hear ya, musey. Just grunt in my direction a few more times and we’ll call this thing good.

For now, I’m delving back into the wonder that is I (woohooo! I’m a wonder!) and maybe thinking about (not actually doing it, mind you) cleaning off my desk.

…okay, maybe not. But it’s freaky looking, right?

…are none of my favorite things and you’ll likely not read about them on this blog. Ever. Though I may occasionally wax poetic about raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens. (It’s the geek in me–there is no cure)

Today, thus far, has proven to be one of the more interesting days of late. It started with a happy rest (in part because my agent said we received my due on signing check–WOOT!), progressed with a call from my sister (Hi, Dawn!), and now I’m knee-deep in Dillon’s situation with Wonderland. And oh…oh, I thought the first book (Beyond the Looking Glass) was going to be good. But the second? It’s going to be friggin’ amazing! So far, it’s a happy day. In a brooding, leave-me-alone-in-my-hermitness-so-I-can-wax-poetic-about-deer-eating-snails (don’t ask) kinda way.

Anyhoo, my sister and I were discussing fledgling writers and the questions they have that they need answers to. And I just wanted to post that you can always, ALWAYS email me, my little minions. I’m happy to help guide you when I can and at the very least, steer you away from scams and scammers. I love to help. And what’s more, I want you to succeed. So…don’t be shy. Click that email link and ask away.

Because if you don’t ask…you won’t know.

Well…one would think, anyway. But for some reason, yesterday didn’t work out that way. Let me give you an example of my writing process for yesterday.

Sit in chair, turn on computer, open up Word file for second Wonderland book (as of yet untitled), determine that nothing will distract me until I write at least three chapter notes of this outline. GMail notifier pops up (I use a GMail account for much of my correspondence). Ooh, email! Answer email, mind wanders, check Backspace, laugh, learn, love that site and the good folks on it. Get refocused, realize I’m without a Diet Pepsi. Trip to the fridge, then butt to chair. Vow that NOTHING will distract me this time! Place hands on keyboard. GMail notifier pops up. Ooh, email! Answer email, then close GMail notifier. NOTHING will distract me now!! Stare at screen. It’s too quiet in here. Go turn on stereo. Sit back down, eyebrow twitches at the commercials playing, scream “I CAN’T WRITE LIKE THIS!!!”, turn off stereo, opt for headphones and Media Player. Find workable song, drink Diet Pepsi, get focused, write seven words before wondering if anyone’s emailed. Pull up Google window, type in “GMail”, log into email account. Ooh, email! Answer email, start thinking about book launch party, fly into panicky author mode because NOBODY will come and I don’t want to have a BORING party, I want to have a COOL party, post dilemma on Backspace, find comfort, wisdom and laughter, close Backspace, close GMail, return to Word document.

I think I wrote a grand total of fifteen words on my outline yesterday. But today will be different. NOTHING will stop me now!

Ooh, email!

Yeah, the title of this entry? It makes no sense at all considering what I’m about to write, but I’ve had that Bugs Bunny cartoon on the brain lately. So…deal.

I brushed up the zombie synopsis that I’m not yet telling you minions about and sent it off to my fabulous agent. We’ll see if the idea sinks or swims. And as soon as I’m done chatting with you loyal little demons of the dark, I’m off to work on the outline of the second Wonderland book. Then, when those things are behind me, I’m working on Ninth Grade Sucks’ second draft, because geeeeeeez, a girl needs a break from all of this insufferable planning. I just want to write. What’s more, I want to spend some time with Vlad. I miss that little sucker.

And so much for that whole I’m-Giving-Up-Diet-Pepsi-For-Good! drama. It’s my one vice. Besides, it’s sugar free, low sodium, no calories…as far as I can tell, I’m drinking flavored air.

Mmmmm…air…

…and just like that, my day improved grossly.

As you can see (below), yesterday was headed in a stressful direction. But life has a way of throwing you off-course, and just as I thought it could only worsen, it improved by leaps and bounds.

My fabulous, wonderful, I’m-so-lucky-to-have-him agent emailed with a great idea. In order to protect ourselves from unintentional similarities to American McGee’s Alice (plus, hey, it just works better this way), Michael suggested changing the asylum to a prison or dungeon. Well, I immediately picture some of those old European prisons, complete with shackles and racks. Perfect. My agent? Brilliant with a capital B.

Plus, he loves the new title (as do I): Beyond the Looking Glass.

Not bad, eh? Here’s to another great day!

I managed to complete the first draft of a synopsis that I’m not telling you about just yet, and I’m currently plugging away at the second Wonderland book’s chapter outline.

If I get quiet, don’t bury me.

I’m always pale like this.

It’s been a rough week, minions (obviously…I mean, look at this entry’s title–I don’t even believe in hell and I’m referencing it). A very rough week.

It seems that everyone in the world who could possibly want money from me wants it NOW (and they have to wait…getting money from publishers takes time, folks). My agent (whom I completely adore–he’s a peach for bringing this up, but I’m a pouty author, so I need to whine just a bit longer) raised possible trademark issues with my Wonderland book, because of American McGee’s Alice. (American, as it turns out, is a heck of a nice guy and directed me to EA Games–for now, my book is in limbo, until I can find out for certain that my agent’s okay with me moving forward with it) I’m having a serious meltdown over where to host my big Eighth Grade Bites book launch party (of course you’re invited–how silly of you to ask). And basically, I just want to crawl back under my rock and forget the world exists.

Next week will be better.

And it’s not like this week is all that bad, really. It’s just a little AAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!!! and that happens (especially in this biz). Besides, I’m still adjusting to being out from under my rock. My phone rings now. I get email every day (often from people I don’t know, asking me all sorts of questions–which is great!). I’m making plans to travel and promote and…well, it was a lot easier when I could slip on my Happy Bunny jammie pants, plop myself down in front of the monitor, and tell stories about whatever I wanted with no thought to what came afterward.

But I wouldn’t trade it for the world. I love my life.

Even if, occasionally, I need to shove my head back under my rock to gain some perspective.