Some time ago (waaaaaaay back in the land of August 2007), I blogged about how to get an agent. Since then, I have been asked the same question approximately 989,956,453,675,453.2 times: “How do you write a book?”
The answer, I’m afraid, is so unbelievably complex that when I give it, I am usually met with disbelieving, blinking eyes that often slant in a moment of distrust, as if I am keeping my secrets and unwilling to share with the masses. The answer, dear Minions, is: “You write one.”
“Yes,” I can hear you all saying, “But hoooooooooooww???”
So I decided to blog this morning (instead of diving straight into the second round of edits on THE SLAYER CHRONICLES’ first book–which has a new title and NO, I WILL NOT TELL YOU WHAT IT IS BECAUSE I AM MEAN LIKE THAT) and tell you how to write a book. Or rather, how I write a book. But before we begin, I must bestow upon you the all-important formula to writing a book. Every writer knows this, from your great grandma Sue to Stephen King himself, even if they don’t know they know it. The formula is this: Butt + Chair = Writing.
If you keep your butt in a chair long enough, you can write a book. And here’s how I do it.
First, I put my butt in a chair (thus utilizing the formula). Then I get an idea (often, though, this idea will come before my butt is anywhere near a chair). Usually my ideas come from asking myself questions. Questions like (in CoVT’s case) “Why doesn’t anybody ever write about the vampire anymore? They always write about the girl who falls in love with the vampire. Why?” or “I wonder what would happen if [HORRIBLE THING] encountered [OTHER HORRIBLE THING]?” or “What if tacos were really ALIVE and their crunchiness were actually tiny SCREAMS???”
Sometimes (such as with CoVT) the questions are valid, thought provoking, and lead to interesting ideas. Sometimes (I’m looking at you, living tacos), they’re crap. Pure crap. And should be set aflame and forgotten forever.
But when they’re good (or seem good at the moment), I sit down and start making notes, answering the basic questions. Questions like: “Who is my protagonist (main character)?” “What is his/her/its major problem?” and most importantly “What makes this story different than the other stories out there?” That last one is critical, because there are a bajillion books out there, and if I want to write a story in the same genre as a portion of that bajillion, I had better find a way to stand out in the crowd. In CoVT’s case, I wrote a series that dealt with being bullied, from a vampire’s (well, half vampire’s) point of view. The books are kinda funny, and not very romance-focused. They’re also relatively short, in opposition to many vampire books today.
Once I have the answers to the basic questions written down, I let my imagination fly. I start writing the story, and usually, in the beginning, my fingers fly and my keyboard catches on fire. HOWEVER…after some time, my mind begins to wander…often to SHINY NEW IDEAS. This is a dangerous time for a writer. Because if you really want to write a book, you’ve got to hit The End. So SHINY NEW IDEAS must be ignored, no matter how SHINY or NEW they are. I’ve taken to scribbling down just a few basic notes in a notebook and then getting back to work on the book I’m writing. Otherwise, I will have a bajillion partially-written books, and I will NEVER reach The End. And, c’mon, be honest…how many partially-written books have you ever seen at the bookstore? The answer is NONE. So…shaking off the urge to frolic around my office with the SHINY NEW IDEAS, I apply the formula and get my butt back in that chair.
And that’s when the real work begins.
Writers have two different kinds of days. Only two. The “I am GOD” days and “I SUCK” days. The former is amazing. The latter is the worst feeling in the world. But I’m slowly learning to cling to the hope that every day won’t be an “I SUCK” day.
I write. Even if it’s awful. I keep putting words on that page. I trudge forward, through plot holes, through poor grammar, through typos galore, through weak characters, through run-on sentences, and eventually, I hit The End. But to do so, I have to be something that I am not. I have to be selfish. I have to ignore my family, friends, housekeeping, showers (okay, only sometimes), and adorable, fluffy kitties, just so I can use the formula and reach The End. It’s difficult, especially if family, friends, and kitties want attention, but I have to say no at some point, and make time for the writing. Because no one is going to write it for me while I’m off socializing. Because I am the only person who can tell my story. And writing is hard, lonely work. So…I write. And eventually, I hit The End.
Then I celebrate. Even if the manuscript is awful. Because dude…I wrote a BOOK! That’s a huge accomplishment. Even if it never sees a bookstore shelf.
But I never celebrate for long (no more than 24 hours), because that’s when the real work begins. Now that I have the basis of a book, I have to fix it, so it’s not ugly. (And ohhhhhhh, are my first drafts UGLY) First thing’s first: I print that sucker out, grab a red pen, and start reading. I mark up everything, making corrections on the page, sometimes scribbling “insert cool fight scene here” in the margins with a big arrow pointing to a spot on the page that’s crying out for blood. I do what I like to call “bleeding all over the page”. Then I go into my Word file, make those corrections, print it out again, and do it all over again. Wash, rinse, repeat.
When I get to a point that I’m feeling pretty good about it, I’ll read the story aloud. And (you got it) grab that red pen again. Things sound different when they’re read aloud. Errors, weaknesses, they all stand out a bit better somehow.
Once I HATE my story, and am SICK OF READING THE STUPID THING, I send it to a trusted friend or two, to get their opinions. Luckily, I have brilliant friends. But even so, I don’t take all of their advice on what to change. I only take what feels right. I edit it again, incorporating the advice that I agree with, and then I try to let it sit for a while before I read it again (I call this getting “fresh eyes”) It’s amazing the things that you don’t see no matter how often you read something. Fresh eyes help immensely. Editors also help immensely.
I wish my process were more glamorous than this. I wish I could tell you stories about my muse and harps playing and dancing at fancy parties with JK Rowling, but the truth is…I sit at home and write. And avoid SHINY NEW IDEAS until I’ve reached The End.
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Anyone there
One word: Amazing.
Okay so it’s only like an inch long ( I don’t have a big tank) he usualy just crawls along the bottom the tank trying to find a hiding spot (he found a great one the other day (under the little bridge) but sometimes he’ll swim to the top of the tank. But not like the very top more like an inch from the surface. Oh-My-Gerard I think it’s raining!!
No one going to say something about The Strange Adventure of Luna Spellman?Well forget you!(Stomps off in p*$$ed-offment.)
Bite me later!
“All of Time and Space,follow me.” 11th Doctor
What?
Hey killjoy you there
Is anyone there
Great advice auntie & it came @ the right time too cuz my friend & I r riting a book abt zombies currently & so far it sounds well… weird & unfinished so we r still in the process of riting it. Plz wish us lots-o-luck.
Yours in eternity,
Carrie
Here now
I is agreeing with the auntie. Writing is crappy sometimes only I go for SHINY IDEAS cuz my book I’m working on is suckish. I’d say I’m on the 3rd page right now. But I’m working on more than one. I think its three. oh yeah and I’m only 12.
oh but most of the days I have are I suck! but those are my good days. I suck=I is awesomefull. So auntie heather, If you read this, all of your days are your good days. Don’t let anything get you down(only when your out of cookies)cuz like the commercials say… Depression hurts. Simbalta can help 
those commercials should go to the rejects. … hate them…
OMV! I just heard a doctor who referance in these comments. Which just made my day, by the way.
wat up anyone there
why did it make your day
by the way i had eye surgery 2 days ago
so it sucks right now
wow thanks auntie heather im starting a book myself!!!!! Almost done with the 3rd series! wish me luck
Thanks for the major advice, Auntie Heather! I’ve written this small little story (really like thirteen-fifteen chapters long)title Nyx and so far, I’ve gotten good-ish feedback from it. This can really help me. http://heatherbrewer.com/blog/2011/01/27/in-which-auntie-heather-tells-you-all-how-to-write-a-book-kinda-sorta/#commentform
Lolz, so true butt+chair does= writing!
Although for me its usually thoughts + favorite (special) notebook+ friend w/ a pen they arent using in Math Class= awesome new chapter of my (to be) book. lolz
Ahhh! poor tacos! dont burn em!you should at least give em to henry. i mean henry (or some total idiot)+ tacos= GENIUS! like in 12grdKillz :p
(im not sayin henry’s an idiot… just sayin tht tacos r awesome!lolz)…
hehe the keyboard catches on fire lolz ;P me too, but just sparks not complete fire…
Dude some1 should get MommyHeather a match…she keeps puttin things on fire lolz!
… but SHINY & NEW ideas r so KOOL!
dont forget them!
TIP: writin isnt borin when Jordan Witzigreuter is singin to you…or any other band…
just put a CD or song on replay and tht helps put the boredom and loneliness meters on 0…
This is for Mommy Heather:
How many of your books rn’t flying off the shelves? HOW MANY HAVE U WRITIN? (includin sucky ones)
Lolz
Bleeding All Over The Page…
Materials:
Keyboard
computer
heather brewer (or another genius’) brilliant mind
RED pen
printer
paper
and A LOT of ink
PROCEDURE (shortend and basic):
type
print
correct and write (bleedin part)
repeat
repeat
read aloud (while correctin)
send to friends
correct again…
you get the point… ;P
THE END
lolz
(just so u kno i wrote all this down b4 i typed it lolz, so i wouldnt forget
thts how i do all my book writing)
Hehe!That’s me!I put the Doctor Who reference in there.If you want a Doctor Who tale then check out The Doctor in Fan Fiction.I LOVE David Tennant.Still LOVE him in HP4 though he plays Barty Crouch Jr. and kills his own Daddy.(Movie Dad,not real one.He’d be real evil to take out his real Dad.)Call me Bloody by the way!
Bite me later!
“I’m sorry,so sorry.”10th Doctor
“All of Time and Space,follow me.” 11th Doctor
auntie heather i was wondering when ur gonna post the blog and pics about ur new office i rly wanna see it plz love ya auntie
hello im back again
anyone here listen to bullet for my valintine or skillet or creed
natasha if you or alex want to talk text me with this number 270-978-7726
goodnight sleep tight and dream of blood tonight
lol guys there are sooo many commenters! There must be ALOT more minions!!!! I mean my goodness!
I’m sick. I’m staying home. Yay. Oh okay now I’m dizzy.
Hey wats up?
How many words do you usuay write in a day? That’s always the scariest part of writing for me. I get too caught up in the deadine instead of the actual story. I can write. . . Just not fast.
What’s up?? My book needs a title!!! Any ideas?? I got one, “Paige is of Ash” because the characters name are Ash and Paige! XD and ‘is of’ is a looooooooong story but it makes sense!….eventually…… Well….yea!!!! Btw any good names for a cannibal?? Just wondering!
tehe im just enjoying that that someone other than me uses the word bajillion
btw might steal tht taco idea 
OMV this is sooo helpful! Now i just have to get over my writers block….Help anyone?
WIN!!! Gotta LOVE Auntie!
i hate the way ppl call me a freak becuz my eyes r heavyly lined in a think layer of black eyeliner. i hate the popualar girls that make fun of me in gym class. i hate the way ppl stare at me. ive been called emo, goth, punk, freak, fat, ugly, creepy, and things that hurt too much to say. but i love the way Elijah (my best friend) stands up for me and how he lets me cry into his shoulder when things r too much. i love the way Ana (my other best friend) told off the those girls in gym and gives ppl evil glares when they stare at me. i will never fit in. i will never be popular. but i will not be alone anymore
YESSS THANK YOU AUNTIE HEATHER!
now I do! Thank you so much!!! 
I just started writing due to you wounderful inspiration and and an idea in my head. This is helping me because I didn’t know how you do write a book.
I started writing a story in sixth grade about a Dutch murderer and all the people who found the clues though he was German (because they were, like, twelve or something) which made him mad so he killed more people… and then my train of thought ran off a cliff and burst into flames. Now I’m writing a story about a dude who gets beat up at night by this Russian dude, but the dude just thinks it’s a Nightmare… which is the title… very creative…
yo
Hey Auntie. This advice was a bit different. I’m 11, and I’ve been writing stories for seven years, or in any case, since i could remotely spell. lately, I’ve been a bit lazy with most of my work, but the whole “SHINY NEW IDEAS” thing is going to come in handy. Thanks auntie.
Auntie Heather is right.Writing is crappy,lonely work.I have so many unfinished stories because I keep getting distracted by the NEW SHINY IDEAS and start writing that in a seperate notebook to see where will it lead and end up forgetting all about my real story.I have more “I SUCK Days” than “I AM GOD!” days in my writing career.But I’m still trying.And I’m really good if you go with what my friends say.They really like my writing and is always begging for more.But my only problem in my writing is how long it takes me to update them.It takes like months for a single chapter sometimes.It shouldn’t take that long.What should I do to improve my writing,Auntie Heather?
Hi agien!Just to let you all know I get to come back to Florida for the weekend!Yay!No Arctic for 3 days!Anyway,I sail through 5 to 9 long chapters each day.I have that much free Time or maybe I just write vary fast.Who knows?
Bite me later!
“I’m sorry,so sorry.”10th Doctor
“All of Time and Space,follow me.”11th Doctor
Dear Heather,
First off let me just say that your books are fantastic and are very inspirational and have been I big influence in my life! I have already asked you this but do you think you could try and get the Vladimir Tod series made into movies? That would be super duper cool!! Also have you ever thought of making a book series of Vlad before he lost his parents? Like a series from when he was in kindergarten to fifth grade? I don’t know I just thought of that one night before I fell asleep and It sounded pretty good
Thank you and I hope i hear from you soon
Brandon
the taco thing made me cry T.T but i wont stop eating tacos!!!
this is a huge help, im writing three series and a final book to tie them all togrther, and even if the ideas sound great in my head, they suck on paper. reading this helped me realise that it happens to everyone, i just need to work hard. good luck to all those young writers out there, hope you guys get published
Here’s to just enacting the first rule…put your butt in a chair! I can do that.
this is like GOD for me today(:
i’m going to use this everyday when i need something to inpsire me to read!
:> Thanks, I’ve been working for almost a year on one book and three or so months on a short story for a compilation of stories (which I’ve revised about five or six times and still need to continue changing it)….haven’t done any form of revising yet on the book (hate that part), only have about 110 pages so far, and still need a wider variety of words in it and trying to decide if I should cut it up into three different books or not. But this really helps.
TAHNK U SO MUCH! when ever i start writing i get destracted by those new shiny ideas. This will help me ever so much!
Thank you for ever auntie,
Rogue
I am working on a book called Nothing will be the same and itys gonna be amazing!
I wrote a book about a kid that didnt fit in but in the end was a hero that saved every one. it was a couple years ago bindut an english teacher thought some one older wrote it, it was like 179 pages long… i got sick readind it on stage…
