There is a voice inside my head–one that I haven’t heard speak up in a very long time. It’s a voice that comes from The Dark Place inside of me. When i first heard it, I was very young–maybe six or seven years old. It chimed in after a boy on the playground had told me that I was ugly. The voice cooed, “He’s right, you know. You ARE ugly. Everybody sees how ugly you are, and this boy was the only one brave enough to say it out loud.”

Over the years, that voice has spoken to me many times. It is the voice of self-doubt, the voice of low self esteem. It’s often tricked me into believing that its voice was the voice of reality. For years after that boy on the playground told me I was ugly, i believed him. How many years? Oh, about twenty.

that’s a long time to believe a lie told to you by a voice in your head.

But I’m not alone. I know that other people hear that nasty little whisper of a voice too–the one that says that no one wants to be your friend, that calls you a freak, that says that maybe life’s not worth living anymore. It comforts me to know that I’m not alone, but the other day, I heard the voice again, after a very long silence.

Only this time, it wasn’t talking to me.

This time, I heard the voice speaking to a Minion. I heard the voice telling the Minion that cutting will help them relieve their pain, and that suicide is a viable option to solve all of their problems. In short, I heard the voice lie.

The voice had lied to me many times in the past, and I had believed every single word that it had uttered. I believed I was ugly, stupid, a total loser, friendless, undeserving of love, and yes, undeserving of life. It put me in The Dark Place, pulled me down deep into it, so that I couldn’t hear any voice of reason, no matter how loudly they shouted. I could only hear that voice.

It was awful to feel that way, like no one would ever love me and why should they? It was awful to feel so very alone, and so lost. I felt like no one could help me, and there was no way out. And eventually, I didn’t want anyone to help me. I just wanted the pain to stop.

I can’t tell you about the moment that I realized that I wanted to go on living, Minions. Mostly because there wasn’t a single moment. There were many. And for a long time, it was a struggle between being in The Dark Place and glimpsing the sun. I do know that a big part of leaving my depression and low self esteem behind was embracing my quirkiness, and realizing that the way that I am doesn’t make me unlovable–it just makes me who I am. And I’m extremely proud of the person I’ve become. If I had listened to that voice, I wouldn’t have written CoVT, wouldn’t have all of my Minions, wouldn’t have an amazing family, and really cool friends. And now whenever that voice starts whispering in my ear, I poke it solidly in the eye until it shuts its stupid lil trap, because nobody tells me how to feel or what to think but ME. No stupid lil controlling voice has any say over how I run my life, or what I feel. Only me. Because it’s MY life.

And the same goes for you, Minions.

If you ever hear that voice, I want you to say (out loud, or in your mind, if you’d like), “LALALALALA, I can’t hear you! Auntie Heather says I’m awesome!”

And if you ever feel yourself slipping down into The Dark Place, I want you to reach out. To me, to a friend, to a teacher, to your parents, to a suicide prevention hot line like 1-800-SUICIDE, and tell someone what you’re feeling. There’s no shame in it. I’d bet that the vast majority of us have been there, have felt so alone. But you’re not alone anymore. Now you’re part of the Minion Horde.

And you’ll never be alone again.