There is a voice inside my head–one that I haven’t heard speak up in a very long time. It’s a voice that comes from The Dark Place inside of me. When i first heard it, I was very young–maybe six or seven years old. It chimed in after a boy on the playground had told me that I was ugly. The voice cooed, “He’s right, you know. You ARE ugly. Everybody sees how ugly you are, and this boy was the only one brave enough to say it out loud.”
Over the years, that voice has spoken to me many times. It is the voice of self-doubt, the voice of low self esteem. It’s often tricked me into believing that its voice was the voice of reality. For years after that boy on the playground told me I was ugly, i believed him. How many years? Oh, about twenty.
that’s a long time to believe a lie told to you by a voice in your head.
But I’m not alone. I know that other people hear that nasty little whisper of a voice too–the one that says that no one wants to be your friend, that calls you a freak, that says that maybe life’s not worth living anymore. It comforts me to know that I’m not alone, but the other day, I heard the voice again, after a very long silence.
Only this time, it wasn’t talking to me.
This time, I heard the voice speaking to a Minion. I heard the voice telling the Minion that cutting will help them relieve their pain, and that suicide is a viable option to solve all of their problems. In short, I heard the voice lie.
The voice had lied to me many times in the past, and I had believed every single word that it had uttered. I believed I was ugly, stupid, a total loser, friendless, undeserving of love, and yes, undeserving of life. It put me in The Dark Place, pulled me down deep into it, so that I couldn’t hear any voice of reason, no matter how loudly they shouted. I could only hear that voice.
It was awful to feel that way, like no one would ever love me and why should they? It was awful to feel so very alone, and so lost. I felt like no one could help me, and there was no way out. And eventually, I didn’t want anyone to help me. I just wanted the pain to stop.
I can’t tell you about the moment that I realized that I wanted to go on living, Minions. Mostly because there wasn’t a single moment. There were many. And for a long time, it was a struggle between being in The Dark Place and glimpsing the sun. I do know that a big part of leaving my depression and low self esteem behind was embracing my quirkiness, and realizing that the way that I am doesn’t make me unlovable–it just makes me who I am. And I’m extremely proud of the person I’ve become. If I had listened to that voice, I wouldn’t have written CoVT, wouldn’t have all of my Minions, wouldn’t have an amazing family, and really cool friends. And now whenever that voice starts whispering in my ear, I poke it solidly in the eye until it shuts its stupid lil trap, because nobody tells me how to feel or what to think but ME. No stupid lil controlling voice has any say over how I run my life, or what I feel. Only me. Because it’s MY life.
And the same goes for you, Minions.
If you ever hear that voice, I want you to say (out loud, or in your mind, if you’d like), “LALALALALA, I can’t hear you! Auntie Heather says I’m awesome!”
And if you ever feel yourself slipping down into The Dark Place, I want you to reach out. To me, to a friend, to a teacher, to your parents, to a suicide prevention hot line like 1-800-SUICIDE, and tell someone what you’re feeling. There’s no shame in it. I’d bet that the vast majority of us have been there, have felt so alone. But you’re not alone anymore. Now you’re part of the Minion Horde.
And you’ll never be alone again.
Tags: Auntie Loves You
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thanks happy easter for you too snow!
and everyonr too 
aw thanx
happy eaaster!!!! hope all you minions have a good one
Have a fangtastic easter peoples!
OMG i learned how to shuffle!!!!!!!!! this is fun!!!!
omg good job i love shuffling!!! its the coolest and funnest thing ever!!!!!!!!!
hey goth its snow how r u?
hey snow im great u?
hey any1 on??
im good
hey persons any1 on??
hellooooo?!?!?!?!?!?!?anybody online dont worry im pretty shure i wont bite
i’m here but even if you do bite i dont mind. it makes things exciting.
ok *bite*
see, isn’t everything all of a sudden a little more exciting?
no
well that’s a pity
wasnt my falt ur not terified i love a good blood rush
HORABLE NEWS!!!!
i just got word my dad died in a twister it was caght on a securaty camera he was throne out of the twister like 500 yards frome the ground and broke every bone in his body and died at10:17pm tonite
and for some reason i do not miss him thats exactly ehat he gets for hurting me!!!!!
so during the twister(wich my plase and 12 other houses including my school r still standing) i was thinking about jumping into that twister and
ding but me and david survived. thank god case the whole time that twister was brezing past my place i can almost swere david read the bible in record time!! and im siting in the cornner screaming at the top of my lungs grabing a random shard of glass and cutting like its the last thing ill ever do
i was freeking out so badly i fainted. i woke up 2 days later hungry. theres glass everywhere, my book colection is ruined the bed is fliped over, and every1 except me(maby case every1 forgot i existed)was at my school in the gym safe and sound
people i lost so much blood that they sent me to a hospatal i was hooked up to an IV when i wake up. and guss who wase 5 doors down from my room it was my dad he was in a comma and 12 mins after i wake up he dies, and i couldn’t even say good buy the last thing he heard frome my lips was “i hate u dad and im never coming back!!”
and now im hear in davids now clean room everything is brand new incliding this i pad im using. and almost everything is normal except the fact that like 73% of our nabor hood is dead or missing
Thank you Auntie Heather I really needed this.
@Goth
God! I’m sorry!! Is your lil sis alright?? … I’m sorry… But don’t worry people says that after awful things happen then awesome things happens or smething like that… But I think you shouldn’t be that mean with your dad… He may have done everything wrong while living but now he is dead and idk I think is bad still being mad at someone dead… And if I would have hug my boyfriend if it was the last thing I would do not cutting… I mean you would have kill yourself before the twister would… I hope now good things come to your life..
@michael
mike is that u?
hay every on i missed u all
Awwwwwwwwwwwwww(im goth and i may Kill myself) im sorry dat happnd 2 u (hope u get betr) :roll(
Thank you Auntie Heather. I only wish i could have read this sooner. I was in a painful long distance relationship for about 6 months. I fell in love with a girl online. We started talking on the phone and mailing stuff to one another. I got so depressed because we couldn’t be together. I started cutting and i completely separated from my friends. Then i met another girl at my school. She became my best friend and one night while i was with her i realised i wanted to be with her.-
When i got home i called my gf and she noticed that something was different about me. She asked me if i liked the other girl and i said yes. She hated me. We didn’t talk for around 3 weeks. During that time i got closer to the other girl and to my disbelief she liked me too, i still have trouble seeing why anyone could love me, so i called my gf and told her i wanted to be with the other girl. Long story short now im in love with a girl i can physically be with and ive stopped cutting. And im happier!
Hey im newi guess..O.o :]
i just recently stopped cuttin. i used to cut myself because of the pressure my honors teachers n my mom n my family put on me to get perfect grades n b perfect all the time. i got so depressed i distanced myself n started cuttin. but thankfully, i handled it in a better way n while i’m still pretty depressed, it’s been two months since i cut myself. n im so glad i stopped.
wow… for a minute there i thought i was hallucinating and was reading what i wanted to see. that pretty has summed up my life in a little speech. it means a lot that Auntie Heather would write something like that for us. Thank you.
hey i belive vampires are real there the best i always wanted to become a vampire but my mom says vampires arnt real but i sont belive her heather if u see this plz tell me if vampires are real??
im goth and always wanted to see a vampire and one day hopefully i will i feel like im not loved so i hate my life i dont care wat people say about me at all so yeah sometimes i act like a vampire i been looken up stuff about vampires and i wanna become one i sit up in my room writing my vampire books and i need u heather to allow me to use vladimr tod in my story and elysian code and im also wondering wat is the symbol for shadow in elysian code and 1 more thing im writing the elysian code and its hard heather i was wondering if u can help me???
no one can make me laugh 4 some resone
i wanna sighn up here how do i do tht?
if u guys wanna talk 2 me plz contact me by: lizahartsock@yahoo.com plz heather i really need ur help
hey liz im goth too i cant contact you via email but we can talk here… im in a suckish life soooo im an ear even tho noone listens to me p.s. you shouldent post your email address online if you do that your inviteing any psyco to find you and hurt you or any one else especally if there hackers then they could crash your comp.p.p.s. im not older than 18 so dont think that…..
ok finally some talking man im all alone and im lonley and no one likes me at all
i no how THAT feels
man im wierd ppl think ohh goths are scary blah blah blah were not scary were nice ppl
thx were do u live i live in toledo
im not trying to sound u know a schyo
im all alone in my life no loves me at all
man i just want someone to care
october??
yup no 1 cares
I care, what’s up??
well i soon g2g so hurry up if u are typing
oh… nothing im not allowed 2 speak im just goth no one loves me and im the most hated person in the world
so yeah i relly hate my life
hahaha! ok no I was reading what you have written and yea I wanna be a Vampire too and everyone in my class thinks I’m a freak but who cares?? I don’t! they are the weird people that don’t wanna drink blood! I am the normal one in my head!! so that people is stupid if they hate you for being different ! as Gaga says Baby you were born this way!! hahaha!! you know I said in my class that I would better drink blood a thousand times than sea food and even the teacher says Im weird!! hahahaha!!
wow… well i was hoping tht if there was a goth club in toledo but i beat not so yeah i love blood once i cut myself and it bleed and guess wat i sucked it blood is the best thing ppl say tht vampires arnt real but i think they are so no one will tell me wrong!!
yea blood is yummy… but I don’t cut myself thugh I have taste in like when I go to the dentst and all you mouth is bleeding… well I like going to the dentist for that!! hahahaa! joke! and hey why aren’t you allow to speak?? everyone can speak cuz US is a free country right? hahaha!! and hey! you will find someone to love you someday and didn’t you read what auntie wrote cuz that always cheers me up!
sometimes i dont belive tht auntie heather wrote all this sooo yeah she never got my emails and heck she wont talk to me at all so i just dont belive in her now..