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Friday, December 01, 2006
Frozen in Bathory
I woke up today to six inches of snow, and I'm not happy about it. Sure, it's kinda nice when it sparkles in the morning sun (and handy as a weapon against unsuspecting friends), but by mid-afternoon, it's clumpy, wet, and slippery. And it's around that time that I start dreaming of beaches and palm trees.
What, does that suprise you? That I like the beach? I do. My Aunt Nelly took me on vacation once to the Gulf Coast. I was a little worried about all the sun (and how the sun reflects up off the sand), but with a little extra sun block, I was fine. I was more than fine--I was WARM. Which is more than I can say about today...
Tuesday, November 21, 2006
It's My Birthday
...and I'm sitting here watching my Aunt Nelly try to make a cake with congealed blood at the center. Yummy. (Don't worry, it's a lot like a strawberry center to you humans...only a little gooier)
It's cool, though--Heather's holding a mini-contest in honor of my birthday! (Ugh, WHY did she feel the need to put up that pic? It's like I'm four years old or something. *sigh* Humans...) So, go on over and enter if you want to win an advanced copy of the first book in The Chronicles of Vladimir Tod (that's me), EIGHTH GRADE BITES.
Tuesday, October 31, 2006
Happy Halloween!
This is my absolute favorite day of the year--the one day where it looks like humans are okay with the pecularities of being a bloodthirsty creature of the night. Plus they pass out candy. (Really, so long as there's chocolate involved, I'm okay with just about any day.)
Halloween is special to me for a number of reasons. For one, the very idea of cheap plastic fangs and those hideous vinyl capes sends me into hysterics. For two, it's the one night a year when it's okay to take candy from strangers. For three, if my fangs extended on Halloween night, odds are I could pass them off as some quality special effects. For four, if you've never tasted the sweet blend of O Negative and Hershey's Kisses, you'll never understand my enthusiasm.
I was interviewed by a succubus recently. Henry's still bugging me about how cute she is and whether or not I plan on introducing him.
Henry is a strange boy.
So anyway, I just wanted to wish everyone a happy pumpkin day and to let you know that if you see a really realistic vampire costume out there tonight, just play the fangs off as plastic, okay? That way, it'll be our little secret.
Tuesday, October 03, 2006
Homecoming
Homecoming just passed. I don't know why, but every year, everyone in Bathory makes such a big deal about it. Like it's all anyone has to cling to: the teachers, the parents, the jocks and cheerleaders. I usually hang back, help my best friend Henry with whatever float he's working on, keep a clear eye out for any sign of Meredith. It's not hard to spot her, as she's the only girl I know that wears pink all the time, but I keep a clear eye out anyway. You know...not because I like her or anything. Just...because.
So we worked on Henry's float and waved at all the people watching the parade like we were throwing money or something, wandered around the bleachers during the football game until finally, the sun went down and we went inside to the dance. Man...dances. If ever the modern world had decided on a socially acceptable form of torture, that's it.
I don't mind the music or the other kids or even the really cheesy decorations. I don't even mind standing against one wall until Henry forces me to hit the dance floor (in fact, I appreciate that, because otherwise there's NO WAY I'm getting out there). What bugs me is that moment...you know the one. Everything's fine. You're dancing, laughing about something stupid a friend just did, and then...it gets quiet. The disco ball beams tiny lights on the floor. Your friends scatter. You can feel it coming, but you know you can't stop it.
The dreaded slow song begins.
Henry, of course, loves the slow songs. But that's probably because Henry is adored far and wide by every girl he ever comes into contact with. But me? Not so much. Not that I wouldn't dance if a certain girl in pink would ask me to...but that's just not happening. And there's no way I'm asking her. I just...can't.
The dances usually go okay. And when I finally leave to go home, I realize I pretty much enjoyed myself. This Homecoming dance wasn't too bad. I did come home famished though.
A few hours with a bunch of sweet-smelling, blood-carrying humans will do that to a guy.
Tuesday, September 19, 2006
Back to School Sucks
Remember a few years ago when that commercial for back-to-school supplies was on TV with that song that proclaimed it to be the most wonderful time of the year? Yeah. Not funny. In fact, going back to school kinda sucks. What makes it worse is that parents and guardians seem super happy this time of year. It's sick, like they enjoy torturing us or something.
I bet they'd feel differently if they had to face dodge ball and Algebra tests.
But there are some cool aspects about starting a new school year. For one, you get to hang out with people you may not have gotten to see over the summer. For two, I don't know about you, but we have a pretty killer library at Bathory Junior High. And I love to read. Call me a dork if you will, but whenever I want to get away from the pain of being grounded and jerks like Bill and Tom, I pick up a book. If nothing else, it acts as ammunition if Bill and Tom come after me. Trust me...a tossed hardcover can do a lot to distract the fists of Neanderthals.
Not that I don't have people that will stick up for me. Henry is about the coolest friend a guy can have…even if he is annoyingly perfect at times. And my Aunt Nelly is pretty decent too, only she can't seem to wrap her head around why I love video games like 'Race to Armageddon' so much. I keep telling her that the gore factor is a big draw, but you know adults--they just don't get it. But she gets me, so that's cool.
Not many people in Bathory do, you know. Get me, that is. It's not that they suspect me of being a bloodthirsty creature of the night or anything. In fact, I'm pretty sure they think I'm goth. But I'm not...I'm a vampire.
Well, half-vampire, anyway. My mom was human.
But I'm not weird or anything. It's not like I'm stalking people's pets or drinking from the mailman. I'm just me. Vlad. Trying to get by in a town full of humans. Of course, Nelly insists that the moment my secret got out, the town of Bathory would reach for their torches and pitchforks, so I have to be pretty careful. Which isn't easy when you're a growing vampire with a voracious appetite--especially one that's constantly surrounded by the smell of human blood.
But there are worse things in the world.
Take pop quizzes, for example.
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What People Are Saying About 'Eighth Grade Bites'
"A spooky mystery that's funny, gruesome, heartwarming, spellbinding,
sad, joyous, surprising and topped off with a tasty blend of and
chocolate. Yum. What more could you ask for?" ~D.J. MacHale,
New York Times-bestselling author of PENDRAGON: JOURNAL OF AN ADVENTURE
THROUGH TIME AND SPACE
"'Eighth grade Bites' had me on the edge of my seat. It's a
great piece of fiction. It drops you right into the action, grabs
you by the throat (pun intended), and won't let go. Vladimir Tod
is a truly sympathetic character cursed with an existence not of
his own doing, but doing his best to do the right thing. It's part
'Goosebumps' mixed with 'Harry Potter' and a dash – no, a heaping
tablespoon – of Stephen King. If you're in eighth grade, or
a vampire, or an eighth grade vampire, 'Eighth Grade Bites' is a
definite must read!"~Butch Hartman, creator of Nickelodeon's
THE FAIRLY ODD PARENTS and DANNY PHANTOM
"Eighth Grade Bites is a terrific vampire tale told with a
sharp, middle-school grin. It definitely does not bite!" ~Christopher
Moore, author of BLOODSUCKING FIENDS and A DIRTY JOB
"Eighth Grade Bites is a delightful novel filled with dark,
biting humor that will appeal to everyone who ever felt they were
different. A deft hand at depicting the angst of teen years, Heather
Brewer does a wonderful job blending vampire legend with the modern
day horror that strikes fear in the heart of so many: the eighth
grade."~Katie MacAlister, New York Times-bestselling author
of EVEN VAMPIRES GET THE BLUES
"Heather Brewer has invented the most endearing of vampires
in Vlad, an eighth grader juggling the woes of adolescence with the
decidedly unique difficulties of being a vampire. She perfectly captures
the humor and angst of eighth grade, mixed with a nail-biting adventure.
Utterly charming and irresistible!" ~Liza Conrad, author of
HIGH SCHOOL BITES: THE LUCY CHRONICLES
"This book will fool you. Just when you think you've identified
it as a story lit by the cheery glow of a slightly scary jack-o-lantern,
it becomes something else -- a tale told by the flickering light
of a dying campfire late at night. And the shadows are very dark
indeed. A surprising mix of humor and horror." ~Douglas
Rees, author of VAMPIRE HIGH
"Fresh and fast-paced, with just the right brew of chills and
laughs. I’m looking forward to finding out what happens when
Vlad hits Grade Nine." ~Nancy Baker, author of KISS OF THE
VAMPIRE
"A fabulous book from a gifted storyteller! I never wanted
it to end." ~Gena Showalter, author of OH MY GOTH
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1 Comments:
I am so suprised we haven't had snow yet. I'm in the great white north (RI) and our temps have been great. However, news says we might get snow on Monday. Don't forget your snowshoes, Vlad!
Btw, I live a block from the beach.
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